


Feeling Lonely

by Tabz



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Adorable FitzSimmons, Cute, F/M, Pre-Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2018-02-11 03:12:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2051394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tabz/pseuds/Tabz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even though they haven't been friends long, Simmons is feeling lonely without Fitz.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feeling Lonely

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AthenaMuze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AthenaMuze/gifts).



> Pre-Show, Fitz and Simmons during The Academy.

S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy was challenging. There was so much for Simmons to learn and so much she wanted to learn. There were days when she barely remembered to put on makeup, let alone go out of her lab. The nice thing was though that, no matter what, Simmons knew Fitz would be right there. Usually. Lately she hadn’t seen much of him. He seemed to be ignoring her texts. And, worse, she had barely seen him for the past couple weeks.

Today she really missed him. She found herself talking as if he was there. She reached into her lab coat pocket and pulled out a sandwich she had made for herself to eat when she got hungry. “Prosciutto and buffalo mozzarella with a hint of homemade pesto aioli,” she said out loud to imaginary Fitz. “Your favorite.” She sighed and put the sandwich back in her pocket. She wasn’t as hungry as she thought.

“Jemma?” Her instructor in advanced microbiology, Mrs. Wentz, stuck her head around the corner. “How’s that project coming?” Mrs. Wentz had a head of gray hair that she kept in a short bob. She was kindly with a set of laugh lines that actually made her look like she was perpetually laughing. She was one of the few people at the Academy who called Simmons by her first name.

“Oh just recording some preliminary results,” Simmons said glumly.

Mrs. Wentz stepped into the lab further. “Are you ill, Jemma? You don’t look yourself.”

“Oh fine, probably just tired. It’s been a long week.”

Mrs. Wentz looked over her round, silver glasses. “And where’s that boy Fitz? You guys have been glued at the hip since orientation.”

Simmons sighed. “I don’t know, Mrs. Wentz, he said he’s been working on a special project.”

“Well, studies can lead in strange directions. I bet he just got lost in this project.”

Simmons nodded glumly. Mrs. Wentz gave her a reassuring smile and headed back out of the lab.

Simmons walked over to the spectroscope she had been working on. She had been approved for very small testing of gamma rays based on Dr. Banner’s work. It was supervised and very restricted, for fear of there being another incident, but Simmons had been pleased with her results so far. She kept a terminal open to record the measurements from the spectroscope.

The job was an easy one and didn’t require much of Simmons’ brain power to complete so the rest of her mulled over her emotional state. She was a scientist so she tried to approach her feelings scientifically. She missed Fitz. They had been glued to the hip since orientation. They were two of the only English-speaking international students in their year. At the Academy, like some other colleges, the international students were brought in two weeks before the other recruits. The two had hit it off almost immediately, though there was that one incident with the extra cereal bowl, but that was quickly forgotten.

SImmons sighed. She’d been a lonely person most of her life and it hadn’t bothered her this much. She grew up with few friends and, since she was a genius, very few friends of a similar age. It’s not to say she hadn’t tried. Simmons really liked people. She loved hanging out at parties and The Boiler Room. Yet, people didn’t seem to always get Simmons. At least not like Fitz did.

Was she feeling betrayed? They hadn’t expressed a vow to always be friends or never leave each other’s company. Was she expecting too much from him? She couldn’t decide. Having a really good friend was new ground for Simmons. Maybe she was asking too much of Fitz. Yet, he hadn’t even bothered to respond to her text messages. That seemed rude. At least she could be upset about that.

Simmons rubbed her eyes. She’d been working nearly 14 hours already. She looked over her notes. Almost everything that needed to be done was now done. She had placed some rat test subjects in a nearby cage and would need to visit them again tomorrow, but for now she was due for a nap.

Simmons picked up her phone and scrolled through her email. Campus alerts and updates, class room reminders, a long email from her mom that she’d need to read later, and the usual flotsam and jetsam of email life. Then, wedged between a Papa John’s pizza email and the latest update on campus parking was an email from Fitz.

_DS_   
  
_Begin at beginning. 56R, 5L, 20L, 17R._

_SF_

DS was Fitz’ shorthand for Dear Simmons (SF being Sincerely, Fitz), it was a shorthand they had developed early on when texting and emailing. The rest of it was rather puzzling. Mostly because Simmons was so tired. She decided to go back to her room and think about it.

Putting her access card in the card reader on her dorm room door, Simmons smiled. At least Fitz hadn’t completely forgotten about her. She had to admit she had briefly wondered if Fitz’ new classmate, John, had stolen him away from her. John was newly recruited from Harvard and had a lot of technology training when he worked with his uncle for Stark Industries. Fitz had nearly salivated over the chance to talk the latest medical nano-tech with him.

After she entered her room, Simmons looked over the email on her phone again. It struck her almost immediately that the only letters in the series of numbers were R and L. They probably represented movement -- Right and Left. Was Fitz sending her on a treasure hunt? She got a thrill thinking about it. Treasure hunts were exciting. They reminded her of her favorite kinds of books growing up. But if they were directions, what were the numbers? Steps, she thought. But where did it start? Begin at the beginning. She tapped a finger on the phone as if it would give her the answer. Maybe begin at the beginning meant to start at the front entrance of the Academy! Simmons rushed about her room and got dressed. It was fairly cold out so she wore a warm black coat, a pink plaid scarf, and a set of green earmuffs that matched the light green lines of her scarf. She hurried to the front doors of the Academy.

It was dark out, Simmons hadn’t even noticed the time. Being locked in a windowless room for weeks on end kind of makes you forget any time has passed at all. Her breath came in short, cloudy bursts as she contemplated which way to face. She reasoned that the doors to the Academy were the beginning and possibly anywhere they lead would be indoors. She squared herself off and stepped inside. She 56 steps inside and turned right. So far so good. She was in the middle of the large open campus guest lounge. It was quiet since it was late. Five steps got here barely anywhere at all though and she felt a bit like she may have started at the right stop. By the time she had finished all of the steps, she was in a janitor’s closet. This isn’t right, Simmons thought after fruitlessly looking at the small closet.

She sighed and pulled off her earmuffs dejectedly. Why couldn’t Fitz have just TOLD her what she was looking for? Why did it have to be such a big production. The night that had started off so well was starting to feel like a big joke. All she really wanted to do was talk with Fitz. Begin at the beginning, the phrase rolled around and around in her mind. Beginning, Simmons thought. Feels more like the end.

The thought knocked her cold. It hit her so hard it felt physical. She collapsed against the janitor closet door and slid to the ground. Blinking hard, she tried not to cry. It couldn’t be the end. They had only been friends for six months. They had done everything together ever since that first lunch at orientation. That’s where it had all started.

Wait a minute, Simmons thought, her heart quickening. That’s where it all started! That was the beginning! She jumped up and nearly ran out the front doors to the outdoor tables. The snow crunched under her shoes as she hit the cold night air again. Her cheeks felt intensely hot and cold all at the same time, but she didn’t care. She reached the table without even having to think about it. Simmons, with her two PhDs, had never really had friends. People had always looked at her as odd. Sure, she had people she talked to on a regular basis. She even went to parties and hung out with these people. Yet, time and again, none of them had been a friend. There had been the jealous fellow students, the girls whose mom’s made them invite her along, the fair weather friends, those who wanted her to tutor them, and so many more. So she had resigned herself when she sat at this lunch table six months ago that she’d get through the Academy. Then she could part of a team. She could be part of an exciting group of people who were going to change the world for good. No million dollar pharmaceutical job for Simmons, she wanted to do something good.

Simmons followed the directions from the table almost giddy with excitement. The game is on, Fitz. She giggled. He would have liked that one. Within a couple of minutes she had reached a door that she wasn’t completely familiar with on the far side of the main building. She opened it and could feel her anticipation rising her heart rate. There was a soft click as she opened the door and a series of candles instantly lit, illuminating the face of Fitz.

“Happy birthday, Jemma,” Fitz said softly and, Simmons finally realized that he was holding a birthday cake. Was it her birthday? She had lost track. That explained her mom’s long email that she hadn’t read yet. She swallowed away the tears.

“I… I thought you didn’t want…” She said wiping at her face.

Fitz look stricken. “Oh no, did I do something wrong? I thought you’d like the treasure hunt.”

Fitz smiled through her watery eyes. “You did it perfectly.”

“Well,” Fitz said smiling. “Make a wish.”

Simmons took a deep breath and blew out the candles slowly. Fitz reached over and flipped a light switch. The entire room looked her hometown. “It’s Sheffield,” Simmons said in awe. “This looks just like the Sheffield Winter Garden.”

“You said you’d been missing home,” Fitz said looking around the room with pride. “I programmed it myself. It’s a nearly 3D projection. I call it pre-hologram.”

“Like Next Generation?”

“Exactly.”

“Amazing.”

Fitz offered her his arm. “Shall we take a stroll m’lady?”

Simmons laughed softly and took his proffered arm. “Of course, m’lord.” They walked through the small room with the projection moving along with them. “The rendering capability is amazing.”

“If you promise not to tell, I kind of siphoned off some power from digital technologies. They’re going to wonder why their projects have been sitting at 40% all night.”

Simmons smiled. “Worth it. Those guys are terrible at pranks.”

They both laughed at this. Simmons stopped and laid her head on Fitz’ shoulder. “This is why I haven’t seen you the past couple of weeks, isn’t it?”

“Yes, the modeling took at least two weeks, plus trying to figure out how to get the processing power. You were really busy on your project, I thought it would be a good time.” Fitz pointed to the left of where they were looking. “The biggest problem was how to solve the distortion problem. That’s the corner of the room, but you’d never know it.”

Simmons felt tears behind her eyes. “It’s wonderful. This is the best gift anyone has given me.”

Fitz smiled. “We’ve both been working hard, I just thought…” His words trailed off and he turned to look at Simmons. “You know?”

“Yeah, I know.” Simmons smiled. A deep, reassuring smile that warmed her entire body. The weeks of worry and loneliness dissipated. The room was quiet and she could hear every small noise. The sound of the fans quietly cooling the computers that were running the projection, Fitz’ weird left nostril breathing, the quiet snow scape outside, and her own heartbeat slowing down.

After a few minutes Fitz took her hand and walked her over to a patch of grass. Simmons marveled at how it looked like they were actually walking through the grass. It waved and bent with their movements. Fitz spread out a blanket and cut the birthday cake. It was a lopsided mess and Fitz confessed that he had baked it himself. Simmons ate it anyways.

“Can you make it night?” Simmons asked.

“Sure,” Fitz pulled out a slim tablet computer and tapped a few buttons. The sky dimmed slowly from bright blue to dusky oranges and purples. Finally, it was ink black with a scattering of diamond like stars. Simmons laid back and just looked at the stars. She slipped her arms behind her head. Fitz looked down at her and then leaned back on an elbow and looked up at the night sky.

After a few moments of silent. Simmons licked her lips.  “I snuck out of my house one night and came here. I felt so stifled and frustrated. Like my whole life was out of my hands, but it shouldn’t be. You know?” Fitz nodded softly.

“I was so smart and so dumb,” Simmons laughed. “I thought I was so grown up and I could handle anything. I got lost. Ended up here. The sky was so vast and for once in my life, I felt so small.”

“An epiphany,” Fitz said simply.

“I think that’s when I decided to be an agent. I started thinking about what I could do as a gift for everyone else, not for me,” Simmons said. “Sounds silly.”

“Sounds amazing.”

Simmons didn’t know how long they stayed there talking, but she did know that she fell asleep right there in the middle of that hard classroom floor and it was the safest and the most at home she had ever felt in a long time. She woke to Fitz nudging her. “We have to go, before someone finds us.”

Simmons rubbed at her eyes. The projection was gone and the room had become a classroom once again. Pre-dawn light speared its way through the room and collected in tiny groups along the floor. “Oh wow, I fell asleep. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You looked like you needed the sleep, besides I fell asleep for a bit too.”

“I probably look like a dog’s dinner,” Simmons said as she scrambled to her feet. She stretched, yawned, and tried to collect herself. “Better hope that Tabitha and Kim don’t see us.”

Fitz snorted. “They’ll take our picture and have it all over the class forums before you know it.”

“Can’t have that, people will talk.”

“Yeah.”

The silence swung around them. It wasn’t an awkward silence. It was one full of meaning, but it was a meaning they could carry with them and carry together. Simmons tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Thanks, Fitz. This was really sweet. It’s really nice having a mate.”

Fitz smiled and looked down. “Yeah, it’s really nice. Never had a good mate before. We’d better try to get some sleep before Mr. Finch’s class. See you there later.”

Simmons scooped up her discarded coat and scarf. She smiled. “See you there.” She smiled all the way back to her dorm room. “Happy birthday, Jemma,” she said to her face in her bathroom mirror as she washed up. “You lucky girl, you.”

 


End file.
